The reality of marriage in my 40's

PLUS: 5 faves from the week

Happy Friday, flow-ers! Missed ya last week. If I’m honest, I’ve been in my head about how to show up here. Sometimes I feel like my topics are boring or stale but don’t worry. I shook it off and this one feels pretty personal.

Prefer to listen? It’s like a podcast if you hit the play button at the top of this post. I read it to you with plenty of extra chit chat you didn’t ask for, but might like.

We’ve all heard time after time to go on date nights, prioritize your marriage but it can be so so hard to do this. I take that frustration out on Roberto sometimes (is every night is going to be like this? Why don’t you plan anything?) and I’m not necessarily proud of it.

I grew up in a dad-free household, so to be honest, I have no clue what a “healthy” marriage looks like up close - like, the kind where you grow up watching your parents navigate life as a team. That just wasn’t my reality.

So here I am, in my own marriage now. And let me tell you - it's solid. Like, really solid.

Do we argue? Absolutely.
Do I get irrationally annoyed by the sound of his breathing after 8pm? Without question.
Do we go to bed angry sometimes? Yep, sure do.

But even with all of that, I know we’re rooted in something really good. We’ve been through our share of hard stuff - and honestly, I believe those hard things have only made us stronger. I’ve come to see struggles or tough stuff we’ve dealt with as something that can forge deep, unshakable connection.

That said, I have gotten lazy in doing the work on our marriage - dating, getting out and experiencing things just us.

As a mom, I’m always looking toward experiences to enrich our lives. In a world that’s constantly telling me to buy more things to live a better life, I shun it. If I sit down and think about what makes me happiest, it’s my people, the connection (and some great meals, outfits and luxury items too… my bed, good sheets… oh ya baby). But those “things” are few and far between.

Because of what I do, I feel like I get to experience more things than the average person - call this a work perk for sure. A lot of the time with any work travel, events, hosted experiences or hospitality partnerships, Roberto stays home. I think it becomes my blind spot that Roberto doesn’t often get to do these things. Of course, he could verbalize this, but he, like many men, might not know how to put words to those feelings and I consider myself an attentive partner who takes stalk of the nuances of his personality to improve our relationship and life how I can.

So, in the vein of those life enriching experiences, I planned a little one night getaway for us, and I am so glad I did! It was a reminder to prioritize that more often (which we will be - we have a hosted two night getaway to Harrison Hot Springs this upcoming week!)

Want a little throwback? This is us in 2006(?) just being the cute work besties we were! Yes, this was Starbucks!

Driving to Whistler it hit me - just being together and doing something fun was so out of the norm and I missed that feeling. The days where we would spend hours in the car listening to music. Drinking coffee on a cafe patio with nowhere else to be. We enjoyed a podcast I saved for the drive (Juicy Scoop in case you’re curious), had a casual lunch, sharing a sandwich and salad, then tucked into our hotel room at Hilton Whistler (who partnered with us) for a rest before a fancy dinner out at my fave Whistler restaurant (and marketing client), Wild Blue.

We got dressed up and held hands on the walk. Said yes to bubbles. Didn’t rush to get home for bedtime. Fell asleep to a crackling fire. We ordered breakfast in bed (including an extra dish - waffles to share). It was just one night, but felt so special. It felt refreshing and was something we realized we needed badly.

I reflected in writing this piece and explored some real feelings about why I de-prioritized dating my husband/what I’m feeling around this subject.

These are some hard truths for myself:

I’m drained just taking care of the needs of my family and anything extra like pouring into my marriage can be easily overlooked

I take my marriage and husband for granted and think he will always be here

I forget that I have what so many people are looking for or would die to have

Being a mom puts a lot of my affection towards my child

While I love routine and the comfort it brings, I get annoyed with the lack of spontaneity and initiative my husband takes to plan things for us

I’m so curious if this topic resonates with you, no matter what life phase your marriage (relationship!) is in.

1. Birkenstock season is here (hey, I just need a few days of the temps in double digits and it is for me!) but sometimes I need a cute summer shoe in the good ol’ overstocked shoe closet. I thought these were fun and they are also on sale for $20!

2. The term ‘biohacking’ has been something I’ve always associated with the goal of selling more expensive tools that promise a quick way to get healthier (read: wellness for rich people), but this podcast is actually the real biohacking method and my mind was BLOWN over and over. I promise if you listen to this your life will be changed and you (like me) will send it to the women in your life!

3. The Sephora sale is on which I always use to stock up on my faves. I have a very curated list you will be so happy you added to cart - they are the items I use every time I wear makeup (lately, not often tbh). The Bobbi Brown Serum is everyyyything and I reach for it all the time.

4. I’ve been racking my brain about something special to do with Lola on Easter morning to extend the fun a bit! I remember my mom doing the cutest scavenger hunts growing up and I’m going to do one for her with this cute garden set as her gift at the end.

5. Laurie’s speech on The White Lotus was iconic. I loved that she laid it out for real real and that level of realness takes guts. Peeling back those feelings socked me right in the gut. Give. Her. An. Emmy.

Reminder that the chat is open! This is where we can meet each other and share info, recos, and just conversation (yes, commiserating is welcome!). So nice to see some of you over there!

That’s it for this week. If you like this content, don’t forget to show up for me with a like or comment. Hoping to see ya’ll in the comments! Thanks for the comments last week Darlene, Jackie, Katie, Matt, Kate and Klaudia.

xx, Erin

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